random thoughts

Why am I going into debt to go to school to get a nice job to pay off my debt?

Why would I rather Facebook than hang out with friends?

Why do I blog, how will it benefit me if someone thinks that what I have to say is interesting?

Why do I only care what benefits me?

Why do I keep making "Why" statements, i.e. questions?

If I got punched in the face by someone I didnt respect, and I knew I could seriously beat them up, would I turn my other cheek?  

Statement:  I hate math.  

Statement:  Without passing math I wont be able to graduate college.

Statement:  Is Mcdonalds hiring?

Statement: 1 cheeseburger + 1 cheeseburger = math I do enjoy.

If you woke up at 2:00am and I was hovering over you staring at you straight in the eyes would you think (a) James is a creeper or (b) James has pretty eyes?

If Jesus overturned tables in the temple, I wonder what He would do in America?

I should be in bed right now...but....im blogging.

Dang, I forgot my starbucks grande white chocolate mocha extra whip hold the shots double pump caramel frappe-latte, maybe I should blog another day.

If I was a huge black dude the first thing I would do is find me, punk me in front of my friends, and than steal my friends, because im pretty sure that they would think that I (as a big black dude) was cooler than me.

If I was a scrawny white dude I would....wait...dang.

I dabble in amateur hip hop.

I believe my mental capacity has reached a status of retardation, in other words, I am mentally retarded.

One time I told my Mom I remembered being in her womb.  I totally was lying but I think she might have believed me.

Do I have goals?  No, but I do have a dream.  All I've ever wanted was for my picture to show up when you googled my name.  Is that so much to ask?  Apparently it is.

  

So this is it?

...I guess.

1991.  I am seven.  Kids that are in the youth group I help out at haven't even been born yet.  A video camera is filming my family in our backyard in SE Portland slaughter a pig.  90% of the people in the film are wearing tight levi Jeans, trucker hats, and a flannel.  The other 10% was me, and I don't believe Wal Mart had my size in plaid red cotton flannel or I undoubtedly would have been wearing one.  Oh yeah, there was also my neighbor who for some reason decided to wear a painter suit, but I believe he still had a trucker hat on.  The opening clip from the video is of me making stupid faces in the camera.  I didn't know I was ever going to watch that video again in my life, but I naturally wanted to be stupid for that camera.  Why was my natural inclination to make stupid faces for that stupid camera?   

At a young age my fallen nature consumed me.  Even though at that time I didn't know it, I was being trained in the art of self centeredness, and being attention striven.  I was being raised up to be a person that allowed the thought of getting attention to run every aspect of my life.  That desire for attention produces a need for glory.  That need for glory results in a lack of need for glory for my Creator.  Isn't that what this is all about?  Isn't that why I put up the best photos as my profile pictures on facebook, and myspace?  Isn't that why I make sure my thoughts are expressed perfectly on this stupid blog?  Or do I honestly believe that everyone is just as interested in me as I am, and I have so much to offer, it would be more of an injustice to you to not put myself out there. If I could be upfront and honest, which hopefully will be the epitome of this blog, a lot of my carnality takes place because of my need for self glorification.  This self glorification blinds my eyes to who I am and develops a callous of hidden pride, which also loves to play the role of false humility.  "Oh wretched man I am, who can save me from this body of sin?"

God is able.  Christ is able.  Yes His grace is able to save even me from me.  Lord, my prayer is that you allow us, not just me, to live a life completely in tune to the Holy spirit.  Allow us to be men and woman not just aware and knowledgeable to spiritual issues, but I pray you allow your revelation to these issues to sink in to the depths of our soul and let our life live it out as if we had no other way to survive.  Be our water, be our bread.

So this is it.  Why am I writing this stuff down on the internet for people to possibly read?  Is it because I just want people to read what I have to say?  Possibly.  Is it because I feel that what I have to say is going to play the utmost role in your growing in spiritual knowledge and wisdom?  I can think of plenty of authors who can do that (sorry Joel Olsteen isn't one of them).  I don't know why I am doing this.  I am too tired to really care why at this point.  All I can say is i'm going to write down some thoughts, and I hope you are encouraged in your walk with Christ.  If you don't know Jesus, than I hope you can get a perspective about a person who does, better yet, a perspective of who He is.  

Goodnight.